Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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