the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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