Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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