oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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