the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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