You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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