nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
