lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
