i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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