I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
