3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
