rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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