That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
