the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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