Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
