got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Vodka?
Forever.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
