hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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