I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
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Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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