this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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