I'm gonna have a badass scar
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
