Rock
Scissors
Fuck
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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