Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
