No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
home. puking in laundry basket.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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