Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
