Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
