She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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