i permit you to call me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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