At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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