That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
