Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
