As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's official drugs can't kill me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
