Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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