How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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