Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
