I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
