somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
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