WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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