just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
