just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We don't watch enough power rangers
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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