Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize