i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
