how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
