i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
