My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
