quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
