i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
