he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
