it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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