remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
