All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
