i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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