Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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