Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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