i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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