does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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