Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
