Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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