so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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