I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
