they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
