Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
