that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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