so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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