good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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