I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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