Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
