Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
