he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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