is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
