it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
