No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
