last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
