I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
