nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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