I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
