Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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