my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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