if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
whose parrot is this?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
