Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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